Now, life is good. I am sitting with my bluetooth keyboard on a macintosh. I think that I have become one of those evangelical mac users. Having not experierineced one in ages… anyway, it is great. And I am running windows inside of it at the same speed as if it was a windows machine.
But enough of that. I would not like to determine my daily happiness with the new toys that I put in the mail. A friend is helping me remember some of the more important things in life. He is a bit older than me and says… If I had the time that you do… you have no idea. He is a Latin guy and gets away with this language. Very fun. And, he knows how to cook! After a week with him I am remembering how I use to make good tasting things. His mother is Italian and he has a lot to share.
So, I am at home. Been here a lot lately. Feeling a bit hermitish with a tight body. In some regards, I really want to accomplish the tasks that I have set out upon, but again, I wonder if this is the most healthy thing for me. My friend, Juan, hasn’t directly told me that perhaps I am overdoing it; he also has higher education, but I see that there is lightly weighted patience in his looks. I tell him that these efforts will be complete in about one year and that is it. Then he says, “what then?” And then I tell him that I have secretly been thinking about attaining a PhD. That is crazy, I know. I need to live my life and see the whole picture. That is something that I am lacking right now. I don’t see the fun things to do in Arizona, because I am constantly home in front of the computer. I see my youth being wasted. That is a scary thought. What should I do? Give up a couple of major things and let it ride. Take the day off and go for a hike.
To be honest, I don’t have the slightest clue how to start my youth. I could find reason to be with a partner… this loss of youth may turn me to burning my ability to finding the right person. Is that what I want? Am I working so hard at school because of fear to be close to a mate? That isn’t so crazy. My “angle” cards told me to forgive my father, praise my mother, and not be afraid of letting a lover under my skin.
And the worst part about it is that I have to make this decision everyday. It matters in a small amount what I am going to do tomorrow. That is some reality for me.
Well, I am bored with this. I hope that I am not ƒeeling terrible about saying these things and then, with out some climatic conclusion signing off. Just don’t know what else to write about the subject. Goodnight my love.
